The holidays are always a bittersweet time for Billie Lourd.
Nearly a decade after her mother Carrie Fisher passed away at 60, the Scream Queens star—who shares son Kingston, 4, and daughter Jackson, 2, with husband Austen Rydell—reflected on how she and her family cope each year as the anniversary of the Star Wars legend’s death approaches.
“It has been 8 years since my mom died,” Lourd wrote on Instagram Dec. 27. “As my son would say ‘that’s a lot!’ I always dread this day. I spend so much time leading up to it thinking about how awful I’m going to feel. And my dread is usually right. I woke up this morning with a dark cloud over me. But when my kids woke up the dark cloud dissipated and made way for bright glowing sunshine.”
However, while the 32-year-old noted that her mom’s “death anniversary is like an emotional tropical storm,” Lourd added, “It pours rain a lot of the day, but between the storms the light is more beautiful than on any day without storm clouds. There are no rainbows without rain.”