If misery loves company, so does anger. It can feel downright delicious to vent to your loved ones about life’s annoyances, big and small.
You may think it’s healthy to rant about that annoying work assignment or rude comment, but research suggests otherwise. Venting “is the worst thing you can do” when you’re mad, says Brad Bushman, a professor of communication at the Ohio State University who studies the topic. It’s “adding more fuel to the fire.”
For a long time, psychologists believed in “catharsis theory,” or the idea that it’s better to release negative emotions than hold onto them. But back in 2002, Bushman published a study that questioned that logic. He demonstrated that when people expressed anger, such as by hitting a punching bag, they only got more irate and aggressive. That’s not good, because research suggests anger is linked to a variety of mental and maybe even physical health problems.
Dissecting a frustrating conversation or social slight can prompt rumination—the psychological term for fixating on negative thoughts and feelings—and blow out of proportion relatively minor annoyances, says Jesse Cougle, a psychology professor at Florida State University who studies anger. Neither is healthy. Indeed, a 2020 study of coping strategies during the pandemic found that venting was linked to poorer mental health, while tactics like accepting, joking about, and positively reframing the situation seemed to boost well-being.
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“You should generally act how you hope to feel,” Cougle says. For most people, that means trying to move past anger rather than getting stuck in it.
Bushman’s more recent research suggests that calming practices such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing are better at dissipating rage than, well, raging. The goal should be to lower rather than raise arousal, he says. (Even running, which many people view as a kind of therapy, raises arousal too much to be an effective anger-buster. “You should go for runs because they’re good for your health,” but not because they’ll make you feel calmer, Bushman says.)
The problem is that when you’re furious, it feels better to rant and rave than it does to take some centering deep breaths. Bushman has seen that in his research. Even though activities like hitting a punching bag don’t actually lessen anger, “75% of people report feeling better” after they do it, he says.
The same is often true for venting to a friend, Cougle says. It feels great to have someone validate your perspective, especially when they’re agreeing that you were in the right and the jerk who cut you off in traffic was in the wrong. “You take [the person you’re complaining about] down a level and lift yourself up,” Cougle says.
Can something that feels so good really be so wrong? Bushman says it’s not always a bad thing to get something off your chest. Talking through a negative feeling with the goal of understanding why something bothered you and how to better respond in the future, such as with a therapist, can be beneficial, he says. And you don’t need to make yourself meek for the sake of avoiding anger, Cougle says; when someone has genuinely wronged you, or you’ve encountered an infuriating situation you have the power to change, it’s okay to speak up about it.
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Venting becomes less helpful, Cougle says, when it’s mean-spirited—when you’re just out to make your mother-in-law look bad, rather than make yourself feel better—or when you’re re-treading the same ground you’ve covered dozens of times before, keeping yourself stuck in that past anger without trying to move past it. “It’s all a matter of degree,” he says.
The person listening to your rant matters, too, research suggests. One 2023 study found that people with vast social networks often felt worse when they vented, whereas those with smaller circles felt better. That may be because people with big networks tend to vent to lots of people, some of whom may not respond well, whereas people with fewer social contacts are more selective with their audiences and the way they talk about their problems, the authors hypothesize.
When you feel yourself getting stuck in the quicksand of venting, look for healthier coping strategies. If yoga and meditation aren’t your thing, try a quick shift in perspective. Bushman’s research supports the “fly-on-the-wall” technique, which challenges angry people to imagine themselves as a third party observing the situation that made them fume. A 2019 study also found that it’s healthier to look for broader meaning in an annoying situation (Think: “you can’t always get what you want”) than to fixate on every last infuriating detail.
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And contrary to old-school, “get it out” psychological wisdom, suppressing negative thoughts may sometimes help them lose their edge, according to the research of Michael Anderson, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at the University of Cambridge in the U.K. In a 2023 study, Anderson and his colleagues found that when people tried to avoid thinking about things that made them scared or upset, their mental health improved. The effects were particularly positive for people with ruminative conditions like anxiety.
While his study didn’t look at venting and anger specifically, Anderson says the same principle may apply. “By processing and elaborating and discussing something, you run the risk of making that thing so memorable and so connected to a whole bunch of other thoughts that it becomes that much harder to regulate,” he says. “If things are outside your control, or annoying but not particularly important, put them to bed. Just shut them down.”
And finally, don’t underestimate the impact of hanger—that is, getting angry when you’re hungry. Science suggests it’s a real phenomenon. So next time you feel yourself gearing up for a venting session, think of grabbing a snack and taking a few deep breaths instead.
